I'm sitting here, in my trackies, at 10 to 10 on a school night, looking through blogs/pictures/twitter etc when I have shitloads of homework to be getting on with. So naturally I decide to write a spontaneous blog post.
I thought I was over it all; well I was. I don't want to sit here and be all emotive but I need to get the jumble of words in my head down in black and white.
And believe me this will make no sense. Because nothing makes sense anymore. I can't seem to get my head around anything at all. I can't even get my head around what I need to get my head around!
I'm tangling my headphones again as I fall down the rabbit hole.
That's about the only thing I'm positive of at the moment.
It's crazy how much I want to be other people. Anyone. Everyone.
The people I follow on Twitter.
The pictures I see on We Heart It.
The blogs I follow on here and Tumblr.
Everyone else seems so perfect. Even those who openly express all their flaws; I'd rather have their flaws than mine.
I try and be like them but they aren't me and I'm not them so I can never truly be them.
And I think I need a make-over.
I literally need just 1 whole day to just sit under my bed covers and think, think about everything. Think about who I am and what I stand for. And then I need to change. Because I feel like a second rate version of everyone I look up to.
I need to delete my Twitter, my Tumblr, my blog and just re-do it all. As me.
In fact, I think the only thing that really does show me as me is my Facebook, which is ironic because the amount I loathe Facebook is incredible. But considering how much I hate it, I was much more myself when I was using it than when I got Twitter etc.
I need to block out all other influences in my life. Unfollow everyone I look up to and just focus on what I suit and what I like. It will probably take me a while though.
Omfg idek rn tbh.
