A monster

I remade my tumblr today. because I like tumblr. and i never really used it before but i started using it more today and i realised every single tumblr page i went on had pictures of skinny girls on. or at least one picture. and at first i didnt think anything of it. but as i went on more and more blogs. and more and more pictures were appearing i realised. people who i thought were smarter than that. people who i'd never of thought to think like that. but i almost understood it. as i was looking through these pictures and clicking on pages with more and more of these pictures i almost got sucked in too. i was thinking 'wow she looks quite nice' 'i wish i was more skinny' and then i found myself on youtube looking at videos of peoples anorexia stories. i was in a trance. i was fascinated by the bones and the flat tummys. then my mum called me for dinner and all at once i was spat out again. but it left a horrible physical sensation over me. my fingers are freezing, i'm shaking, my arms are heavy. i'm finding it incredibly hard to type. and i don't know why it's all had such an impact on me. but i'm realising how easy it is to be sucked into it all. to be sucked into and moulded into the idea of 'perfect'. and it's really rather scary.